[meteorite-list] Meteorwrongs

From: Mark Miconi <mam602_at_meteoritecentral.com>
Date: Thu Apr 22 09:55:45 2004
Message-ID: <005d01c19c41$2b1fdbc0$04f20541_at_fwlr1.az.home.com>

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Absolutely fantastic and I almost wet myself laughing...Mohamed TAKE =
NOTE!

Mark M.
  ----- Original Message -----=20
  From: Dean Langadas=20
  To: meteorite-list_at_meteoritecentral.com=20
  Sent: Saturday, January 12, 2002 10:56 AM
  Subject: [meteorite-list] Meteorwrongs


  Hi all:
  =20
  Since a few folks on the board have opted to slam an individual for =
his ongoing postings of meteorwrongs, I thought I'd post one of my old =
favorites, how to let a guy down easy. This is a real letter to a real =
guy, and it fits the occasion. Good for a laugh, and some of you guys =
need to take the hint.

   =20
  There is a gentleman in Newport, VT named Scott Williams who digs =
things out of his back yard and sends them to the Smithsonian Institute, =
labeling them with scientific names, and insisting that they are actual =
archaeological finds. Here is an actual response from the Smithsonian =
Institution.
  ___________________________________________________


  Smithsonian Institute
  207 Pennsylvania Avenue
  Washington, DC 20078

  Dear Mr. Williams:

  Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled =
"93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post ... Hominid skull." =
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and =
regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it =
represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston =
County two million years ago.=20

  Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie =
doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children, =
believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have given a =
great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be =
quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in =
the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. =
However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of =
the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

  1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are =
typically fossilized bone.
  2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic =
centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified =
proto-homonids.
  3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with =
the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating =
Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

  This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses =
you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the =
evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into =
too much detail, let us say that:

  A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has =
chewed on.
  B. Clams don't have teeth.

  It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your =
request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the =
heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to =
carbon-dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic =
record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced =
prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly =
inaccurate results.

  Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National =
Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning =
your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. =
Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance =
of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the =
species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like =
it might be Latin.

  However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating =
specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, =
it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of =
work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that =
our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the =
display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the =
Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will =
happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your =
Newport back yard.

  We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you =
proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the =
Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you =
expand on your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation =
of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile =
Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive =
appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

  Yours in Science,

  Harvey Rowe
  Chief Curator- Antiquities


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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Absolutely fantastic and I almost wet =
myself=20
laughing...Mohamed TAKE NOTE!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Mark M.</FONT></DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE=20
style=3D"BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-RIGHT: =
0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px">
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
  <DIV=20
  style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
  <A href=3D"mailto:dean_at_qualityphd.com" =
title=3Ddean_at_qualityphd.com>Dean=20
  Langadas</A> </DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A=20
  href=3D"mailto:meteorite-list_at_meteoritecentral.com"=20
  =
title=3Dmeteorite-list_at_meteoritecentral.com>meteorite-list@meteoritecentr=
al.com</A>=20
  </DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Saturday, January 12, =
2002 10:56=20
  AM</DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> [meteorite-list]=20
  Meteorwrongs</DIV>
  <DIV><BR></DIV>
  <DIV><FONT size=3D2>Hi all:</FONT></DIV>
  <DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT>&nbsp;</DIV>
  <DIV><FONT size=3D2>Since a few folks on the board have opted to slam =
an=20
  individual for his ongoing postings of meteorwrongs,&nbsp;I thought =
I'd post=20
  one of my old favorites, how to let a guy down easy.&nbsp; This is a =
real=20
  letter to a real guy, and it&nbsp;fits the occasion.&nbsp;&nbsp;Good =
for a=20
  laugh, and some of you guys need to take the hint.</FONT></DIV>
  <DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
  <DIV>&nbsp;=20
  <P><FONT size=3D2>There is a gentleman in Newport, VT named Scott =
Williams who=20
  digs things out of his back yard and sends them to the Smithsonian =
Institute,=20
  labeling them with scientific names, and insisting that they are =
actual=20
  archaeological finds. Here is an actual response from the Smithsonian=20
  =
Institution.<BR>___________________________________________________</FONT=
></P>
  <P><BR><FONT size=3D2>Smithsonian Institute<BR>207 Pennsylvania=20
  Avenue<BR>Washington, DC 20078</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>Dear Mr. Williams:</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>Thank you for your latest submission to the =
Institute, labeled=20
  "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post ... Hominid =
skull."&nbsp;=20
  We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and =
regret to=20
  inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents =
conclusive=20
  proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million =
years ago.=20
  </FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>Rather, it appears that what you have found is the =
head of a=20
  Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small =
children,=20
  believes to be "Malibu Barbie."&nbsp; It is evident that you have =
given a=20
  great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be =
quite=20
  certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the =
field=20
  were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. &nbsp; =
However, we do=20
  feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen =
which=20
  might have tipped you off to its modern origin:</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid =
remains are=20
  typically fossilized bone.<BR>2. The cranial capacity of the specimen =
is=20
  approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even =
the=20
  earliest identified proto-homonids.<BR>3. The dentition pattern =
evident on the=20
  skull is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is =
with the=20
  ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands =
during=20
  that time.</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>This latter finding is certainly one of the most =
intriguing=20
  hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, =
but the=20
  evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it.&nbsp; Without going =
into=20
  too much detail, let us say that:</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll =
that a=20
  dog has chewed on.<BR>B. Clams don't have teeth.</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we =
must deny=20
  your request to have the specimen carbon-dated.&nbsp; This is =
partially due to=20
  the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly =
due to=20
  carbon-dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic=20
  record.&nbsp; To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were =
produced=20
  prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly =
inaccurate=20
  results.</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>Sadly, we must also deny your request that we =
approach the=20
  National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of =
assigning=20
  your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino.&nbsp; =
Speaking=20
  personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your =
proposed=20
  taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you =
selected=20
  was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be =
Latin.</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>However, we gladly accept your generous donation of =
this=20
  fascinating specimen to the museum.&nbsp; While it is undoubtedly not =
a=20
  Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of =
the great=20
  body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should =
know that=20
  our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the =
display of=20
  the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and =
the entire=20
  staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs =
at the=20
  site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's =
capital that=20
  you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the =
Director=20
  to pay for it.&nbsp; We are particularly interested in hearing you =
expand on=20
  your theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of =
ferrous ions=20
  in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus =
Rex=20
  femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a =
rusty 9-mm=20
  Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>Yours in Science,</FONT></P>
  <P><FONT size=3D2>Harvey Rowe<BR>Chief Curator- Antiquities<FONT=20
  face=3DArial></P></FONT></FONT></DIV></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML>

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Received on Sun 13 Jan 2002 09:47:04 AM PST


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